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China divorce lawyer give you advice when you decide you get divorced with your Chinese Husband or Wife

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You are in the midst of a transition you never imagined having to face.  Separation can be a time of anguish, confusion, broken trust and anger, and even with the very best of intentions you and your spouse can be pulled into a fight that neither of you ever wanted.  While you prepare for what comes next, here are some suggestions that might assist you in keeping yourself together.

Accept that This is Happening

Denial is your most expensive luxury, right now.  If it is possible to work things out with your spouse in a way that saves your relationship, that can be a true blessing.  In the meantime, though, you cannot afford to turn away from the realities of your situation.  Figuring out where you go from here is far more important than who is right and who is wrong.  Let me assure you from personal as well as professional experience: it may not seem true right now, but you will get through this. While your emotions run like a roller coaster toward eventual healing, be sure that you take time to take care of yourself.  Accept the help of your friends.  You might be amazed and moved by just how much emotional support your friends can offer you during this difficult transition.


Keep the Lines of Communication Open

This does not always work, but your divorce will be easier and cheaper, the more that you and your spouse can solve problems facing each other across the dining room table instead of in a courtroom.  The fighting often starts where the communication and trust ends, because there is too much at stake to let things “slide.”  The court can resolve disputes that you cannot, but reaching agreements on your own can save you a tremendous amount of money and anguish.  Especially if you have children together, accept the emotional risk of sitting down together and try to look beyond the problems that brought you to this point.  Put aside the reality of who might be at fault, in hope that by working together you can clear the way forward. If you find that you cannot discuss important issues without argument, consider alternative dispute resolution methods such as mediation; sometimes, adding a skilled "referee" into your discussions - whether a member of the clergy, a mutually-trusted friend or a professional mediator - can bring order to your discussions in a way that the two of you by yourselves might not be able to manage.

Avoid Adding to the Problem

Especially while the two of you still live in the same residence, guard against letting negative emotions make your decisions for you, no matter how much your spouse might provoke you, or how justified you might be.  Spite is another luxury you cannot afford.  Being able to get through your difficult situation with everything you need to regain personal and financial stability matters far more than "setting the record straight" about whose choices may have created the problem.  Help yourself stay out of trouble by making sure to act, and not react (unless things turn violent, which is another matter entirely).  Consider the ways that your own actions might make an already-bad situation still worse, and learn to recognize warning signs that a conflict is beginning to escalate.  If necessary, learn to back away from a situation and give yourself a chance to cool down, especially when you feel that you are being provoked.  If your spouse is the kind of person who has to be “right” all the time, nothing you can do or say is likely to change that.  If he or she is being confrontational and you allow that to set you off, now you are playing your spouse’s game... and rule number one of that game is that you lose.  Be conscious of your words and your gestures, and make sure that nothing you say or do can be interpreted as being violent or physically threatening.

Watch What You Write or Record

Anything that you put on paper, on tape or into email can become evidence. Stay civil and sensible, and avoid the temptation to write down insults and self-justifications.  Your written communications should be polite, simple, and to the point.  Avoid writing anything that you would not willingly answer for in front of a Judge whose job is to distribute assets and to protect children, but not to punish the wicked and reward the virtuous.

Work for Sunshine but Carry an Umbrella

The spare tire and the hardhat are there because when something goes wrong they are handy to have close at hand.  Even a worst-case scenario need not be a disaster, if you have planned ahead.  Part of your lawyer’s job is to consider what can go wrong, so that you can decide what protections you might need.

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I am a licensed China lawyer. Most clients are foreign nationals and companies. China Lawyer Blog have associates in Beijing, Shanghai, Tianjin, Guangzhou, Suzhou, Nanjing, Qingdao, Fuzhou, Hainan, Hefei, Wuhan, Xian, Changsha, Xiamen and Hangzhou. Learn More

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China Lawyer BLog AuthorPeter Zhu, an experienced China attorney licensed to practice law for more than ten years, the author of this China Lawyer blog, welcomes any enquiry or consultation related to Chinese law.